Monday, May 13, 2013

Andromeda's Buoy Boobs

So here we have a glorious sculpture by an Italian Renaissance man, depicting Andromeda and the Sea Monster.

It is typical of a lot of classical sculpture, in that the overall composition and detail are superb. The fact remains that smack dab in the middle of this gorgeous tower of art are two inflatable boobs.

In fact, what I have also noticed is that many of these depictions of mythical women tend to not have a woman's form at all - their bodies are very muscular and have the shape of a young man's form, with a square torso, narrow hips and big hands. The only indicator that the character is female is the boobs, which look like they were glued on after the rest of the piece was finished.

These boobs are perfect and symmetrical, but they do not run smoothly from the top of her chest, nor billow down with any reference to the laws of gravity.

One hypothesis is that some artists were forbidden to see nude female models, so when they needed to depict boobs, they had nothing to go on, except for what they saw on clothed women.

Ah, Domenico, how I could have schooled you! Povero artista!



Let's look down Art History's shirt.

Were you ever standing in an august, white-columned museum, overwhelmed by the beauty around you, when suddenly you see a piece of art that makes you want to blurt out:

THOSE BOOBS LOOK WEIRD! WTF?%^&$%??!!?!

Well, I have. Ever since my first Art History class in high school, I have been appalled, shocked, dismayed, and enraptured by artist's portrayals of the female form, and mostly the boobs.

I was wandering through the Detroit Art Institute a few years ago, and mentioned my horror to a friend of mine, and we then went on a quest to adjudicate ever boob in the museum - ever awkward nipple, every bit of misaligned cleavage, every depiction of woman's mysterious growths.

What we discovered is that, if you just look at the boobs, what you find is a startling take on art history and culture through the ages and hemispheres.

So now we begin...I shall use this blog to bring you art from all over the world and all over the centuries, and in each piece there is a glowing bosom to tell us the secret of that artist's world.

I'm happy to start this journey in my current hometown: Brooklyn, New York.